11st October 2009_ a wakeup call in the Sunday morning, totally changed my life. My instinct said to me, there must be something wrong happened. Taken a quick shower & grabbed my bag (which I prepared for any possibilities that would happen as my instinct reminds me always), I rushed to the airport. But this time, no more tears dropped as I calm myself...frouline, be strong...Anak Tuhan kan mesti kuat..(My fav words when I feel down). My mind still blank, and I just able to send message to my buddies & refused to answer phone calls from them. The only reason I did so because I’m afraid I would lost to my feeling, afraid I can’t be strong as I tried myself to calm down.
Before she left me, I spent almost two weeks with her, keep accompanied her... days & nights even everybody knows the chances for her to recover was very slim. Every day, we pray for her & convince ourselves she wills doing fine (at that time, she unconscious for a week...and hope she will be able to open her eyes again)
God still have mercy on us, a week after, she opened her eyes but unfortunately, she unable to talk to us. But from her deep eyes, she really wanted to say something, at least a word. Her condition really terrified, sometimes she did well, sometimes she didn’t. Time restricted me to look after her then. I had to return to work, leaving her without heard any word (last word) from he. Luckily, my two sisters were there to be with her... (Even in her last breath, none of her loving family there, just her little sister with her ...how dared she never allowed us to see her suffering)
As I returned to resume my job, I was unable to focus. Every time I made phone calls to my sisters, asking for her. Dissatisfied with her condition, I decided to back again late weekend...but, before me able to do so, she left me, before I wake up & ready to take a flight home late afternoon. Now, everything is out of control, without a word, she left me just like this (this is the most thing I regret in my life ever!)
Last Xmas, two months after she left us, was mean nothing. We didn’t prepare anything for our Xmas, just tears dropped accompanied us. The whole day of Xmas I locked myself in room and cried for something that I might be unable to take it back.
Luckily, I have beautiful friends & family always by my side. Their support keep me stand tall even until now, I still feeling down for the loss of my loving mom. Thanks friends for your effort to bring a new life for me for what had happened.
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