Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Just A Sharing On Marriage

True story to be Ramon E.Mendoza

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A message from old friend..

A long conversation with my old best friend this afternoon really touching me enough. He was once I hate the most in our secondary school because of his big mouth. But, today I realized he changed much, or maybe because of he married and soon to becomes father..(congrate dude ). His advice makes me proud of having a good friend like you.
Everything you mentioned today is everything I have to confront. The reality of life, the challenges, I have to face off before they continue drowning me. Thanks, dude, for the advice. I’ll try myself to wake up that nothing gonna defeat me as I try to make myself believe in reality..and dude, I do really miss my old days, where nothing can make me fear off as I stand strong to be a part of me.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Keeping Faith in Him

I'm losing..losing my Faith in Him. I'm afraid of nothing. And at that night, I really scare of losing faith in Him, for I was lost in a while. I sent message to my best pal, that I really needs her prayer for I was lost in my life. I lost my own direction, for my faith already gone when I never tried to believe miracles would come to change my life. Thanks, my best pal, for your prayer..

"LORD, enter my heart, enter my life, I need you.I need you to restore my faith in you, my love for others, to keep me strong when I am weak"

"Ask, and you will receive, knock, and door will open for you..."

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Good Old Days

Looking back onto these photos, (posted by my cousin) reminisce me about the past, back to year 1990's. Smiling to myself, how life going so fast.. As time passed by, everyone gets older, learning from experience, earning the living..everything rapidly takes expanded, new family members join our big families..and most sadly, when someone we love most left us which made a greatest change to our life..2010..a hope for new begin after the loss..:(

***1990's_can't remember which year, with my beloved cousins & brother (all are grown up)***

***Xmas nite in 2000***

***Xmas morning in 2000_our complete family (first photo taken after move to new home

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Just gonna stand there, and watch me burn
That's alright because I love the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
That's alright because I love the way you lie..
I love the way you lie..I love the way you lie

It's yet to be my day! :)

Thanks to my best buddies for the surprised birthday party..(even we celebrated it 15 days advance). But I do really appreciate it & just love it. Cheers!
My birthday wishes for this year:
I. To have a better life than ever
II. To get better career after
III. To have a better health (most importantly to pursue my dream)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Feng-Shui Fever

I received this sort of notice for 5times today…

23 Years ago at the same month of AUGUST, it has 5 SUNDAYS, 5 MONDAYS and 5 TUESDAYS. Now it is happening again. Forward this message to 8 people you know and you will get money then_based on Chinese’ s feng-shui.

So funny, when some of my friends still influence by this belief, for thing we never knew it will come to reality. And the most funniest part for me, even miracle I never wanted to believe to be happened, why must I still believe for this non sense?? Remember, the luckiest & richest person will be telecommunication companies (for the SMSs we send and for the service rendered), not us!

Then I replied these to my friend (it doesn’t mean to insult him actually)..
“How many profit you earn for today? If you get RM1K today just to send it to 8 people, then I will send it to many people, not limited to 8 people”. He never replied me then, maybe he get mad on me @ he is busy of calculating his profit earn for today.LOL

Dear friends, please and please, never get yourself to be trapped in this kind of non-sense thing. Richness will not come without effort. Cheers!